


Open Arms

by Azoubel



Category: Mystic Messenger (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Fluff, Maybe a little OOC, Multi, Smut, Some angst, lots of comfort
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-08-10
Updated: 2018-08-26
Packaged: 2018-12-13 14:38:53
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 6
Words: 9,227
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11762004
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Azoubel/pseuds/Azoubel
Summary: Two and a half years since MC chose Saeyoung. Two and a half years since Saeran was freed, and two and a half years since they became a family. A family that was beaten and berated from the fears that crept up their spines and filled their minds until they were drowning. They were going to be okay, that's what they kept telling themselves anyway.





	1. The Girl

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Haise_Say_What](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Haise_Say_What/gifts).



> this is my first full-fledged fic on here so it's not going to be the greatest thing, but i am putting all of my effort into it.  
> for start, this is a gift for my best friend who loves the choi brothers and mysme as much as i do. it may be a little ooc because i am used to writing for only jumin in this fandom. i hope that you all enjoy and please feel free to correct me, or even provide criticism or tips, they are greatly appreciated.  
> 

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> MC, Seven, and Saeyoung take a family trip after an argument between Saeran and Saeyoung break out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope you all enjoy this first chapter! the story will progress slowly, and updates are also slow. i'm in my second year of uni and i work a lot. this story will also jump from past to present but i will always put the date/time frame so it is easy to follow.

No matter which way she turned, the sheets were cold. The emptiness that accompanied her as she clung onto any hope of the darkness enveloping her into a peaceful sleep was futile. A soft sigh escaped her lips before she rolled to the edge of the bed, letting her feet dangle as she got up. The apartment was quiet; barring the constant tap as Saeyoung's hands glided over the keys with ease. MC looked around her, endless piles of honey buddha chips forming a small house on the table with phD pepper circling the creation; claiming to be the "gates of protection" from outside forces. MC smiled, picking up a new can of soda before making her way to her husband, his eyes narrowed in concentration. She approached him with caution, sliding the soda by the keyboard with her right hand, her left slowly massaging his shoulder. She lay her arms over his shoulders, clasping them in front of his cross necklace, her lips bare inches from his ear.  
"You've been working all night, my love. Let's sleep." Her words were like velvet to Saeyoung. 

He sighed running a hand through his hair, the frustration evident with every move he made.  
MC's hands fell from his shoulders as he took off his glasses, laying them on the desk and moved to stand before her. His eyes were wet with tears threatening to spill over. MC pulled him into her arms, caressing his back as the sobs plagued him. His breathing was hitched, the tears hitting her shirt; one after another.  
She held him close to her, having no words to alleviate the pain that wrapped around his mind and spread through his body like a wildfire.  
She didn't count how long they stood like that; entangled in one another, or how many times his sobs rang in her ear like a warning alarm. She just knew she wanted him to be okay, wanted THEM to be okay. She didn't register when she coaxed him back into bed, her arms still around him, protecting him from his pain the best way she knew how. Sometimes, all one needed was to know you were there. It wasn't hasty "i'm sorry's," the constant "it'll get better," instead it was the comfort in being held; of knowing that even if you see the dark spaces that reside in your lovers' mind, you still sit there and love them the same or even more than you did the day before. The low whispers of the three letter phrase that held so much meaning was shared before they were silenced and blanketed by exhaustion. 

As morning broke through the small space, the quiet was interrupted by loud shouting. MC rubbed her forehead, stretching her legs out until her feet peeked from under the covers. The shouting continued; each syllable getting higher in intensity and volume. Her eyebrow twitched as she got out of bed. She walked carefully to the door, crouching before placing an ear to the wood, her ears perking up.  
"No, you're an idiot! I am not putting that stupid shit on!" Saeran was already pissed at seven and it wasn't even 10am.  
"Saeran, it's supposed to be a family day today! You, me, AND MC! We've been planning this for months!" Seven whined, and she could imagine his lips turned downwards, eyes sparkling like a small child's as he fought to get his way.  
"Then you and MC can do wear it!" Saeran argued, and MC imagined him pinching his nose. She knew he wasn't in the mood for Seven's stupid jokes today.  
"Saeraaan!" Seven continued whining, attempting to change Saeran's mind.  
The room became quiet for a second and MC almost choked. 'They're stopping already?' She thought, furrowing her eyebrows. There was no way!  
"S-Saeran! Aaaaaaaaah!" Seven let out a scream before MC heard multiple bangs and crashes. MC chuckled, standing to her full height before opening the door.  
"M-MC! Saeran's being mean, I just wanted him to wear the matching shirts we all got!" Seven let out a gasp of shock before he wrapped his arms around her waist, his golden eyes burning into her brown ones.  
She smirked, knowing EXACTLY what he was planning.

"Seveeen! Look at the dolphins!" MC squealed, pointing happily. Saeran stood off to the side, side eyeing any human even considering looking his way. They were only at an aquarium for an hour and she felt guilty for forcing him to come along since he wasn't having any fun. The last thing she wanted was for him to be alone while they were out having fun. Seven tightened his grip around MC's waist, his chin leaning on her shoulder for support as he stole a glance at Saeran. Sliding the playful mask that became second nature to him, he turned to his brother.  
"Saeraaaan, let's adopt a dolphin." That seemed to annoy him more as his voice rose eight octaves.  
"Are you stupid?! Where the hell would we keep one, anyway?" He yelled, gripping his arm as he stared at the fool he claimed his brother.  
"In your room of course!"  
"He can be your new friend; wouldn't that be great!" MC agreed, smiling at Saeran. Enjoying the little nitpick at him. She stared at him a bit longer, removing herself from Seven's arms. She walked over to Saeran, rubbing her thumbs together. She held her chin high, her brown eyes meeting his mint colored ones.  
"I know this isn't really your thing and I'm sorry. I just wanted everyone to have one good day...all together like this." She started softly, beginning to regret bringing him out when he would've been much happier indoors, away from people. Being brainwashed because of Rika and constantly drugged and lied to destroyed him piece by piece. 

Each day she spent with each of them was another day she realized as long as they were by her side; nothing mattered. She would build them up from each broken promise, every demon that sucked the trust, love, and will to keep going until she couldn't no more. She wanted nothing more for this family to reconnect; to bandage each cut that was made from picking up endless shards of broken glass. Being with the RFA was like being swarmed with overwhelming love from a family you never knew existed. She would engulf these boys with her heart, flood them with the warmth and happiness they deserved; no matter the cost.  
Staring into Saeran's eyes, she expected him to be upset. She expected him to scoff and walk away from her, to call Seven an idiot, but she didn't expect him to hug her. That was the last thing she expected. He smelled of candy, which made her chuckle. Gripping his hand, she pulled him towards Seven, reaching to take his other hand in hers. There was one thing they'd all look forward to and would make this trip worth it. The parlor wasn't compacted and MC was saying her prayers to the creators of phD pepper and honey buddha chips as their eyes scanned the menu. The soft waves of electronic music basked the room in a calming atmosphere, the burgundy chairs matching the mops' on top of the twins' heads perfectly. The menu was orange with white writing with little ice cream cones littering the corners, while the table tops were a coffee bean brown. The rest of the aquarium-goers were lively, chatter cornering them from each side. MC patiently tapped her foot, feeling the cool breeze from the open side door kiss her skin. 

"Saaeran, what kind would you like?" Seven asked, a silly grin planted on his face as he turned to his brother.  
"Is there a kind called my brother gets pummeled to death by an unknown force?" As his question settled between the three of them, MC felt the need to break the silence.  
"I think I'll go for cookies n cream!" She said excitedly, squeezing Saeyoung's hands gently.  
"I'll take strawberry!" Seven mocked her excitement, happier than any aquatic creature at the aquarium.

The trio took a seat in one of the comfy burgundy chairs, aiming for seats in the back to be hidden away from the incessant chatter from families, couples, and high schoolers. MC fidgeted with her ice cream, taking licks every so often. As she stared off into space, ignoring the usual arguing of the boys in front of her, she felt a faint vibrating in her purse that laid atop her lap. Furrowing her eyebrows, she began to dig in her back.  
'Who was calling her at this time of the day? It was 10am for crying out loud!' She thought as her hands tiredly roamed the bottom of her bag for her phone, running her hands over the many items that were thrown into the bag. MC made a noise of disgust as her hand made contact with something sticky and as she pulled her hand from her bag, she saw honey sticking to her fingers as she pulled her index and middle finger apart.  
Her eyes narrowed as her gaze moved from her honey-coated fingers to her husband sitting across from her.

"I-I promise it wasn't me. Seven Zero Seven Out!" He quickly got up, running to take cover in the bathroom, leaving Saeran. and MC alone. MC rolled her eyes playfully before plunging her hand back into her purse, her phone ringing for the second time. As her hands grasped a thin, cool material she knew it was her phone.  
She squinted her eyes at the number before shrugging, her finger sliding over the green button.  
"Hello?"  
"Hi! Am I speaking to MC...?" The voice was feminine and words were spoken softly as if she was a small child.  
"Yes, this is she."  
"Good. I'm Seoul from the Asan Medical Center and I was calling about your results."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for reading the first chapter and hope you enjoy the rest as they are put out! feel free to comment, bookmark, or leave kudos! i enjoy reading the comments even if they are constructive criticism because it means people are trying to give me pointers on how to improve which is always something that can be done!


	2. To Build A Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Seven breaks down; MC is there to provide support.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry I haven't updated! Between work and school, I've had about 1 hour of free time and that's spent sleeping honestly. I've written, deleted, re-written, had a moment of intense frustration and BAM! I do have a playlist in the making for this fic on Spotify that I may link!

1 year ago

Crash. 

“I hate this picture! I hate it! Get rid of it!”

“Saeran, stop!” 

Another thud could be heard from the opposite room and MC went to investigate. Broken glass was scattered across the floor, lying in the middle was Saeyoung on his back with Saeran on top of him, his hands squeezing Saeyoung’s neck. Saeran’s shouts were loud; his anger rising with every word. 

“You..you left me! I hate you! Everything’s your fault!” 

Saeyoung said nothing, his eyes closed. He listened because it was the only thing he could do. Nothing he could do would ever fix things. He’s been trying, but it has been far from easy. The first few months were hard; Saeran pretended he was invisible. Saeyoung was...scared. He wanted to wrap his arms around him, to tell him how sorry he was–over and over until it was embedded into that thick skull of his. He never wanted to leave him alone, never wanted to grow up without him. He wanted him safe; he was always told he was fine. The pictures, V’s words he should’ve never believed them. At that time, they gave him nothing to doubt. 

Saeran took one of his hands off of Saeyoung’s throat, cocking it back into a fist before letting it connect with his cheek. The skin became red almost immediately. He grabbed onto Saeyoung’s collar instead, pulling him off the ground just a few inches to glare at him. Saeran’s hands were shaking, his mint eyes heated with his hatred for his brother. 

“You idiot! You left me with mom! Do you know what she did when you disappeared, huh? I became worse! I didn’t eat, I hid under my bed, I was the target she went after now!” Saeran’s body was trembling, his hands still gripping at Saeyoung’s collar. 

The room was silent. MC had decided she had enough. She walked into the room; her eyes swept across the room. Multiple picture frames of younger photos of the boys, pictures of herself and Saeyoung were all turned over, some with the glass broken, the frame taken off, and even ones were burned at the edges. She stepped over the glass cautiously, making her way over to the pair. She hesitantly touched Saeran's shoulder, unsure of how bad his temper was. 

She tapped it once more, the room still once more. Saeran shrugged her off, getting off of Saeyoung and walking past them both. MC studied his face, noticing a hint of a tear sliding down his cheek as he exited. 

“He’s right...it is all my fault.” 

She turned her attention to Saeyoung, who was no longer on the floor but staring at a picture that was still sitting upright. MC walked over to him, her hands squeezing his shoulder in which she hoped was the reassurance he needed.

‘I just hope that with time these two can heal.’ Each new fight seemed to present more difficulties as the three of them continued living together, but MC never wanted to leave. It just made her try harder, but her efforts were futile. 

“He’s not, you two are j–” 

“Just, what? Fighting like brothers do? MC, I ruin everything I touch. All I can do is make careless mistakes, I’m–” He began, but MC cut him off. She couldn’t. He beat himself up badly when Saeran first came to visit and all he did was let Saeran hit him, berate him, and hurt him. If it meant, he’d stay. Saeran was suffering, but he wasn’t suffering alone. 

“Saeyoung...you are not alone in this. You do not ruin everything you touch. You’re here, you’re alive. I’m with you, and Saeran...he’s alive. He may not be that little brother who was happy to escape with you, but he’s here. We can bring him back, but it will not be easy, but I will not give up on you or him.” 

Saeyoung pulled her to him, burying his head into the crook of his neck. Her neck became wet and she counted the number of shaky breaths he was taking. Her arms wrapped around his form tightly; rubbing his back like a small child’s who's had a nightmare and needs nothing but endless love and warmth. 

“MC...I don’t deserve you. I don’t deserve to have Saeran, either. I’m nothing but a mistake. My father didn’t want us, mother hated us. Just wanted the money. We were an embarrassment, but I promised him..back then I would...I would protect him! God, I was so stupid. I can’t even protect the ones I love...I’m so pathetic!” Saeyoung broke away from her, crouching over himself; his hands frantically pulling at his hair.

“Saeyoung!” He backed away from her, a mechanical laugh erupting from him. His golden eyes were blurred as he stared at the broken picture frames that were all around him. That’s exactly how he felt. No matter how he tried, he couldn’t protect anyone. He was dangerous, after all. Why did he even think it was smart to bring MC into this…? Into his life full of nothing but misery. What if she...wasn’t happy with him? He thought, gripping his hair harder.

Why not Zen…? Or maybe even Yoosung? Someone who could provide her with actual happiness. Dammit! Jumin could even provide her with the financial support and treat her like the princess she is. 

He could hear her calling him, but he was far away. His mind felt like a huge maze. So many wrongs, and going back ten paces and getting nowhere. He was getting nowhere...should he go back to how he was before? Should he put back on the mask? He was going to drag MC down with him, she didn’t deserve that. She deserved much, much better. 

“MC...you could be happier with someone….anyone. Anyone would be better with me. I will ruin you and you will wish you never met someone like me. I bring nothing but pain. You’ll regret your choice to be with me. You’ll get tired of me an–” 

MC couldn’t take it anymore, she had enough. Every word that came out of his mouth broke her heart into more pieces. 

“Saeyoung!” He blinked up at her. Her eyes bore into his; her own cheeks wet with her tears. His vision was blurring as she stared up at him. She cradled his face, her thumbs swiping at the tears that fell down his cheeks. He was the most amazing man to her, even as he cried in front of her, his pain morphing into her own. She would heal him, no matter the cost. She loved him too much to continue seeing him in pain. 

“I don’t care if you think you don’t deserve me because I want no one else, but you! I love you, you’re the only person I love. The only person who I would rather be with. I chose you. I want to be there for you when you’re sad, joke with you, pick on Yoosung, hold you when your thoughts are putting a dark fog over your mind and you can’t even find the strength to get out of bed. I want you to depend on me! I don’t want you to put on the mask, I want to unravel the mysteries of your mind and marry you at the space station some day. I want nothing more than to be you! I want every part of you, Saeyoung. The good, the bad, the silly times, and the difficult ones.” She finished, her chest rising and falling as she struggled to catch her breath. 

“I love you…” She breathed, hugging his head to her chest. They stayed like that, Saeyoung reveling in her warmth, listening to her heartbeat. She let him pour his heart out to her like a glass of water filling you up: it was refreshing. He felt he could let go of all his worries with her, she was a breath of fresh air and Saeyoung felt that for once in his life, he could breathe.  
They would get through this….together.


	3. White Blood

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> MC and Saeran visit a flower shop and MC realizes one of Saeran's fears.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> after such a long awaited time! once again, thank you so much to everyone who has bothered to stick with me even after i disappeared for a year. i hope you all enjoy!! please make sure to read the end notes!! ♡

5 months prior 

 

Saeran was an enigma. MC knew that much, but he was also a boy who was betrayed in the worst possible ways. She knew that getting him to release all of his pent-up anger at Saeyoung, at V, and at Rika would be no easy feat. That is, if he wanted to. She couldn't tell anymore. One second, they would all be out, and she would just catch him in the right moment where may have seemed like he had some sort of peace.

MC sat on the floor of the bathroom, her hands wrapped around her knees as she watched the goosebumps spread across her skin like a wildfire. Things needed to be different-even if the boys wouldn't admit it, they couldn't live like this. Not anymore. Saeran needed guidance, love, and support. She knew his trust was broken, but he was safer here than he was anywhere else. MC tapped her hand on her knee, brown eyebrows furrowed as she thought.

"It's him, he's the reason I'm upset! Why should I even have to live in the same house as that bastard?! He left me!" 

Saeran was shouting, his voice raw. His mint-eyes were ablaze; his glare set on Saeyoung who said nothing. His shoulders were slumped, glasses broken from where Saeran had struck a blow to his face. Saeyoung stared at his brother, tears gathering at the corners. Saeyoung wanted to make it better, but he had no idea.

"Saeran-"

"Don't!" Saeran shouted again, his body trembling. Words were jumbling in his head, knocking against one another. It was so crowded--too much, in fact. He...He needed to breath. 

MC moved towards Saeran, wrapping a protective arm around his shoulders cautiously. His lips were set in a thin line and fists were balled tightly. 

It felt like the same scene every time to MC. She winced, staring at the prints Saeran's nails were making in his hand and she moved her hand lower carefully. She gripped his hand, and then his eyes were on her; accusing.

"You think it's my fault again, don't you? Damn it, don't look at me like that!" Saeran let his fists fall undone only to grip his hair tightly-a habit he developed while he was at Mint-Eye. 

He shrugged off MC's hands, looking at neither of them as he left the room. 

MC opened her eyes, making a decision.

'I'll just check up on him...to make sure he's okay.' She thought, picking herself up off the floor. Saeyoung's fingers gliding across the keyboard could be heard through the door and she smiled to herself.

He was always working so hard. 

Exiting the bathroom, her eyes examined the living room. She walked through the room slowly, bending every so often to pick up shoes, clothes, empty chip bags, and grimy dishes. MC quickly pecked Saeyoung on his cheek before going to the kitchen to discard of all the trash.  
Her hands moved in a circular repetitive motion as she washed the dishes, her mind drifting off to Saeran. 

'It's not like they could force him to get better quickly, he needed time to heal.' She thought, frowning. 

'He's just broken...and we're going to fix him." MC wanted to keep a positive thought process. Healing people wasn't an easy feat. Sometimes, the triggers, the trauma, having it replay in your mind like a never-ending song was draining. His mind was a jumble of pain and confusion that swathed him endlessly through the morning and night. She wanted to ease that, unscramble the bundles of pain and confusion so that things could become a little clearer. 

Her brown orbs settled on the mug that Saeyoung had begged her to draw on. A typical mug with a small circular shaped Saeyoung with his signature classes and a mini bottle of Ph.D. pepper underneath him, Saeran next to him-a smile on his usual somber features. Her eyes narrowed, noticing a dent in the glass and on closer inspection there was a chunk of the mug broken off. Glancing at Saeyoung, she took a breath and exited the kitchen only to walk in the direction of the room belonging to the mint-eyed brother. 

Being direct wasn't her go to, but this was one of those times where being indirect would end with nothing. With a hand raised, hesitation struck MC like headlights froze a deer in the middle of the road. Chest tightening, while her hands became slick with sweat, she still felt forlorn. 

'You can either get rejected, or…. or he can take you up on your offer.' The possibility of being rejected rang in her ears like church bells and as tempting as it was to sprint down the hall, lose herself into Saeyoung for hours, that was not what he needed. Holding her head high, MC knocked on the door. The wait seemed to last forever and that's when the nerves started to kick in. What if he told her off? What if he got angry? What if- 

What if he agreed? What if he grasped onto the offer and held onto it as if it was one of the only signs of light he could see for miles? 

Saeran appeared finally, his eyes downcast. The magenta sweater he wore was loosely fitting, slightly hanging off his shoulders, his visible tattoo sending shivers down her spine the longer she stared. Moving her glance past him to peek inside of the small bedroom he occupied, she detected multiple crumpled up papers loitering the floor. 

Had he been writing….? She didn't know it was one of his hobbies, but if she played her cards right she could always ask him about it. An aggravated huff from the boy brought her back to the moment in front of her and MC met his eyes. They were curious, still shining with a hint of annoyance but his posture screamed discomfort. 

"Did you need something?" It was rushed and came out a little too harsh, but she knew he meant nothing by it. 

She swallowed thickly, remembering her purposes for knocking on his door to begin with. Gripping her arm gently, she spoke with a warm tone. 

"Let's...Let's go somewhere today," 

The Watering Can was a small floral shop in the city, sandwiched between a candy shop and a luxurious tea place that promoted their products with a giant image of Zen's face holding one of their tea bags on the walls. The woman at the front desk immediately smiled as MC walked inside with Saeran trailing behind her. The shop's wall was embellished in lavender, assorted flowers in every corner from cornus florida, eucalyptus, to geranium, and heliotrope. 

"Welcome! We have a lovely miscellany of flowers, so take your time," 

MC thanked her quickly, turning to look at Saeran. His eyes captivated by a collection of flowers that sat in a pyramid. The round table was wooden, covered in a white sheet adorned with ruffles and a simple plaque that read, 'blue irises.' The color was striking, bright, and pushed MC to move in closer. Saeran stared intently, his expression softening as he stared at the bouquet. 

Quietly, almost as if he didn't want to speak it aloud, Saeran turned to the woman behind the counter. "What…." He paused, before continuing, "What do these symbolize?" 

"The blue iris' has multiple meaning, but I think the one you may be looking for is...hope,"  
Saeran repeated the word to himself, gripping the back of his head tightly. Mouth opening and closing as if he wanted to speak and MC felt the urge to reach out to him, to let him know she was there. He could confide in her and she would be there for him, but before she conveys that to him, he exited the shop. 

She had found him sitting underneath a tree, his eyes glued to the sky, and an ice cream cone in his hand. As MC walked closer, she spotted more crumpled up papers beside him, just like the ones in his room from before. Her hands gripped the bag tighter, being careful not to squish the contents as she sat beside him. 

"They say the sky is always best during the evenings and early mornings, do you think that's true?" She didn't want to bring up the shop and why he left unless he did. She wanted to start small for him to open up, not have him shut her out completely without even a chance. There were days where Saeran would glance her way, a sliver of hope gleaming in his eyes whenever she was with Saeyoung and she couldn't help but feel a certain part of him wanted to be a family with them as well. She knew with the betrayal and lies wrapping around his throat until he coughs and sputtered, refusing to let them part he would continue to fight. However, MC would continue to push, stepping back when she felt she went too far until he realized he deserved the love he never received. 

She didn't expect him to answer her question, nor to even acknowledge her presence after dragging him out of the house, but she assumed that was more along the lines of not wanting to be alone in the house with Saeyoung. 

Saeran continued to admire the sky-their orange hues dancing across the horizon, flicking their colors all around, putting on a show for the people from below. As the colors covered the sky, they emitted a peaceful aura, leaving him feeling lighter than when the day started. His eyes closed, he spoke slowly, uncertain at first. 

"No matter how you feel when you lay down, the moment you wake up, eyes adjusting to the light that kisses your skin, you get filled with this….this kind of ecstasy," He let out a breath, eyes slowly opening to peek over at MC. 

"I want to be filled with that feeling every day," 

She didn't question him and he didn't speak anymore. They sat, underneath the shade of the giant red oak tree, the wind stroking their skin. She doesn't recall how long they stayed like that, admiring the beautiful show the sky had put on for them, the silence between them a symbol of something to come-peace or so she hoped. 

MC snuck a quick glimpse at the cherry-haired boy beside her, curled into himself as he slept. It was the first time he didn't look so angry, it was innocent and an expression she wished she could see more. She thought about the question she had asked the shopkeeper earlier and a small smile graced her lips. Digging into the bag she placed between her thighs, she plucked a small piece of the iris from its place, twirling it between her thumb and index fingers. His piqued interest in the flower had told her enough. He cared, he wanted to try, he wanted to have hope that he could have a family again. She knew he feared betrayal, the idea of trusting just to have it strip you down and leave you bear with nothing. No matter how long it took, she would make sure he didn't feel like that any longer. 

Leaning over carefully, MC moved a lock of hair from Saeran's face, tucking the flower behind his ear before gently moving the hair back into place to blend. She brought her knees up to her chest, resting her arms atop them, her eyes still trained on Saeran. 

"You'll get the peace you deserve...just wait."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> woooow i'm actually kinda happy with this chapter? i think i prefer writing shorter chapters, but having more chapters in the end-game? who knows? i may do a slight change in perspective in the next chapter so here's a forewarning before i just throw it out there! the next chapter will becoming soon, but uni comes first. i don't know if i made this clear, but this story will do a lot of jumping, but i will do my best to keep it very organized!


	4. Heart Like Yours

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Saeyoung and MC visit a science center and planetarium where she reflects on the news she received from Seoul.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> holy heck. so i'm extremely sorry i haven't updated in forever. between school, work, and a lot of family death it's been hard for me to actually write but i've finally finished this so here! also i didn't know if i should put the artists of the song in here, but i'm going to anyway. 
> 
> the song is by willamette stone and is apart of the if i stay original soundtrack!

Present Day

 

“C’mon, MC! It’ll be so much fun!” Saeyoung pouted, his golden orbs shining with mischief. His hand squeezed the hand belonging to his lover, as he darted through the lines at Astral Treasury, the crowd thickening the deeper they went. The abundance of families pointing and chatting vigorously amongst themselves filled MC with sudden joy, the corners of her lips twitching as they pulled up to form a smile.

“Faster!” MC cheered, pumping her legs to match Saeyoung’s speed. They were giant children at times and she couldn’t ask for anyone better. Saeyoung knew when to make things better. She didn’t know how he just knew she needed one of his infamous pranks to lighten her mood. Whether competing between the two of them over who could eat the most Honey Buddha chips in five minutes, or even who could mess with the trust fund kid about Elly until his face favored a cherry wine.

Warm hands pressed against her cheek and MC puffed her cheeks out at the assailant: her sweetheart. Saeyoung wiggled his scarlet eyebrows, the lightbulb above his head blinking excitedly. Leaning in close, he pressed a quick kiss to her lips, sending a shiver down MC’s spine at the close contact before pulling away leaving her longing for another.

“Race you to the bottom?” The words were said to her with a hint of mischief before he turned to his post, gripping the rail in both hands. MC followed suit, placing her hands on the sides of the rails just as Saeyoung did. She straddled the rail, planting her bum firmly down. As she stared out into the open floor, shades of blue presented themselves to her. Making sure she didn’t fall, MC turned to her husband–as they locked eyes, his golden orbs meeting her own soothing brown ones before the invisible light bulbs above their heads blinked brightly.

“Three...Two...One!” They shouted before scooting themselves forward on the rail, so they slid easily. MC’s body moved quickly, she kept her eyes in front of her, leaning slightly as she quickly found her way to the bottom. Unsurprisingly, Saeyoung had already finished his descent and he waited for her, hands outstretched towards her. As she slid off the rail, she stumbled, pushing her arms outwards as a means to stop her from falling flat on her face and embarrassing herself in front of a bunch of people.

Warms arms enveloped her and she nuzzled closer to her cherry-haired lover. He quickly pulled away, putting a peace sign up to his eye and sticking out his tongue.

“I won, MC! Don’t I look cute? Take a picture of the great defender of justice! He gets extra points for protecting you too!” Chuckling, MC quickly snapped a photo of her favorite red-headed boy. The overwhelming amount of warmth he filled her with always made her feel as though she was walking on cloud nine. There was no sum of her love, it was endless and always pulsing for Saeyoung.

 

Hand in hand, they strolled through the halls of the science center. Passing by various children running around pointing, shouting and pointing at the various displays. They walked past a sign that read “Mission 26: E.T. comes home.” Saeyoung squeezed her hand tightly, pressing a quick kiss to her lips.

“Let’s go the space station,” he whispered his golden eyes gleaming as mc stared up at him, mesmerized. Her cheeks flushed and a soft, “okay,” left her lips. As they made their way to the planetarium, MC took note of them being in a tunnel the glass encasing them into a narrow space. A myriad of colors dancing on the walls were incredible to say the least. On each side of them were two large glass walls that were filled with random fish, coral reefs, and endless pools of aquamarine.

“Come on!” Saeyoung pulled her along the front, pressing their joined hands at the ledge of the screen, the pinks, purples, and browns lighting the room with ease. MC turned to Saeyoung, watching as he was entranced by the array of colors mixing with the planets, painting the room in a light shade of pink. As she stared at her lover, she couldn’t help but giggle at how much he reminded her of a small child.

“Daddy, look at how big that planet is!” the voice was small and enthusiastic, and she could only think it belonged to a child of maybe four to five years of age.

“It’s not bigger than that one!” Another voiced chimed in, causing MC to turn to face the sources of the two voices. Two boys––one who appeared to be around eight years, the other around ten years old. Soft curls framed their round faces and their lips were upturned, bright eyes pointing out the different plants presenting themselves on the giant screen inside of the planetarium. MC smiled as she looked at the two children, glancing back at her husband to see his eyes trained on them as well. For once, he didn’t look tired, but happy and it filled her with joy. With all of the stress and his insecurities nipping away at him, he deserved it. One moment of peace, even if it was for a little bit before the reality dawned on him and filled his lungs until he choked.

“They’re cute, huh?” She didn’t expect to him to sound so serious, but he had made it clear to her that his cheerfulness and usual personality was used as a facade. However, MC knew as much as he said that, both his serious personality and his silly one was all a part of what made him who he was. Sighing, Saeyoung rubbed the back of his neck uncomfortably before speaking again.

“Sometimes…. I wish our father had been like that, or even tried,” He stopped to look back at MC, his features softening. “I guess when we have our own someday, we’ll just have to do things like that.”

“Yeah...one day,” She agreed, squeezing his hand as a means of reassurance and Saeyoung was good, so good to her, even when they had their difficulties. He loved her, and she knew that with her entire being. He was that brightness that kept you going in the dark when your flashlight has gone out, he was a protector even with his faults, and most importantly, he was a man who recognized his faults, but still managed to love even when the world kicked him down every time he bent to get back up. He was so much more than he gave himself credit for and at times, she didn’t deserve him. He was honest, caring, and so terrified of the parts of himself he tried so hard to hide from her, but she loved him.

Her mind drifted to two weeks prior, the knot in her stomach forming once more, filling her with dread. The conversation swirled around in her head, making her feel dizzy.

"Hello?"

"Hi! Am I speaking to MC...?" The voice was feminine, and words were spoken softly as if she was a small child.

"Yes, this is she."

"Good. I'm Seoul from the Asan Medical Center and I was calling about your results.”

“Ah, right! Could you give me one second please?”

She was met with a curt “take your time.” MC looked up, meeting Saeran’s eyes before gently placing a hand over the speaker. His eyes bore into her own before he looked away quickly, turning his attention to the ice cream still between his hands.

“If you need to take that, go ahead,” He gestured towards her phone, placing a hand in his hair to twist the red locs there. His eyes darted to the window of the parlor, staring as the kids outside pulled their parents along to buy things from the gift shop.

“Alright…” She was uncertain, but he should be fine, right? Quickly standing from her seat, MC made her way to the bathroom. She exhaled, letting out a breath she didn’t realize she had been holding. The anticipation of what her results were had her mind wonky. Did she have some sort of infection? Was it contagious? Was it lethal? Did she have to get surgery? No, no. It wasn’t that serious, or so she thought. Suddenly, she slapped her forehead.

Seoul was still waiting.

“Ah, I’m here. So, what were the results exactly?”

 

‘Remember to breathe….’ It was a failed attempt at comfort, but she needed to focus on something else. Seoul cleared her throat, waiting for a response. Right. It still felt surreal and out of all the possibilities? That just had to be the one. Maybe she could get more blood tests it could be a mistake couldn’t it?

“Do you mind...repeating yourself?” Her voice was shaky, and MC couldn’t help but lick her lips. Everything felt dry. Her mouth, her lips, and the only thing she could focus on was her trembling hands that held her phone to her ear.

“Of course, Miss. I said you are pregnant…” Her left hand moved to grip the counter, using it as a means to hold herself upright while her right gently placed her phone by the sink, letting Seoul talk but MC didn’t hear a thing. Her mind still trying to wrap around that one word.

Pregnant.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wooo, so i'm going to start working on the next chapter this week and hopefully have it published within reasonable time (it's a challenge for me, but i have to push myself). it's definitely hard, but i'm going to try my hardest to.


	5. Somewhere Only We Know

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Saeran finds a new "paradise" and spends some quality time with a certain ball of sunshine.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so just a heads up: this chapter is the one where the pov changes from MC to our precious boy Saeran's.  
> again, i'm doing my best to update twice to make up for the lack of time when i am supposed to update in my own personal time bracket. hope you all enjoy this chapter!

The next day

“Where are you going?” He didn’t think MC would be the type to police him on where he was heading out too, he may have been young, but he wasn’t a child. He knew they were just worried, but it was frustrating rather than giving him a sense of security. He avoided her gaze, his eyes becoming soft.

‘Should he just tell her?’ She wasn’t a bad person and they were…. well, their relationship was building, he guessed. Feeling her warm hand on his skin, his eyes returned to her face watching as the same smile she always gave him––one full of kindness that he didn’t even know he should be receiving from her.

“I’m just going to the park.” His answer was direct, to the point, and a half lie. He didn’t want to lie to her, but it was easier. He needed––no wanted to be alone. From them, from the house, from all the pity and worrying glances. He just needed time to be himself for a bit. Being cooped up wasn’t ideal considering he spent god knows how long under Mint Eye dealing with his two personalities and now he had the freedom to do as he pleased. It was something he found himself valuing more and more. Freedom. It was simple yet complex at the same time. When he was with Mint Eye, he couldn’t even consider the possibility that the world held any meaning other than revenge, it was as realistic as the tooth fairy or santa claus to children.

“Have a good time, then!” MC was always so cheerful when she spoke to him and he couldn’t hide his envy. Despite everything he did, the things he said––why the hell was she so nice? One word slithered its way up his spine, wrapping its tendrils around his neck, squeezing tightly. He coughed, eyes downcast again. Muttering a quick ‘thanks’ Saeran made his way to the door.

Sunlight poured into the small room, bouncing off the walls and Saeran couldn’t help but savor the optimistic feeling it gave him. Leaning back against a peach colored sheet splattered with endless shades of the rainbow, he closed his eyes. Soft music played from the speaker perched on the windowsill. A giant canvas stood in front of him, a small journal to his right, dark lines scribbling out messy words that were hastily written. He had tried to write poems, but to no use. It was hard finding his interests in things again after all he knew was hacking. It was still a useful tool, but he was no longer that person, he wanted to be someone…. different. Catch up on all he missed, but at what cost? He was angry, he wanted to kick anyone and everything.

Gripping his head, Saeran looked down at the space between his thighs. Crumpled up pieces of paper greeted him, and he sighed. Eyes narrowing, he took a deep breath.  
Hope…. that’s what the woman had said to him at the floral shop.

He had to have hope. How the hell was he supposed to have that after spending years having every ounce of hope stripped away from him? He remembered reading somewhere that we have about seven thousand thoughts per day. That rounded off to around thirty-five to forty-eight thoughts per minute. If he applied to himself, a good third of those thoughts were how he felt he wasn’t good enough to live happily.

Saeran closed his eyes, going back to the day he went to the park with MC. He may act as if he didn’t care to listen, but he knew she had placed something in his hair. It was brief; a gentle touch that made his ears tingle. He couldn’t believe she actually watched him sleep though–it felt weird, but he somehow found himself still appreciating the gesture. She had gone back to get it for him–even after he left. Was she crazy? Or...was it an offer to help?

“Whatever, thinking about it makes my head hurt.” He spoke quietly, legs moving to a more comfortable position. Grabbing the backpack, he had brought along with him, he began to dig inside. Pulling out a paintbrush, small mug, and plain kids painting set.

“I can do this…” He said, curling his hand into a fist. He had to have hope that was the first step.

 

Slow strokes across the canvas with a wrinkled brow wasn’t exactly the position Saeran thought he’d be in. It was late. The sun was setting, the horizon was adorned with the color of a carrot and he couldn’t help but let his lips curl up at the sight. Out of all the things he looked forward to, the simplicity of something so peaceful had made it to his number one.

Turning back to his painting, Saeran continued his work. Dipping the paintbrush into the water every so often to clean the brush before choosing a different color. His nerves were calm, mind only concentrating on creating the art in front of him before he lost himself to his cynical thoughts.

 

The weather was surprisingly nice for spring, he occasionally enjoyed the rain. It brought upon a sense of tranquility for Saeran. However today wasn’t that day, it was a chilly day, before the sunset, the sun warmed his skin, leaving him to believe the weather would stay warm–he was mistaken.

“Saeran! Over here.” He frowned, noticing the tall blonde boy with bright eyes and an even brighter smile. Out of all of the RFA members, he didn’t know how he ended up…. on good terms with the energetic college student. It just happened, he didn’t complain though. It was better than being stuck in the house with Saeyoung and MC. Saeran’s eyes moved to his hands, paying special attention to the two bags he held up in front of his face. The smell of sweet bread made their way into his nostrils forcing him to quicken his pace.

“How many did you buy this time?” His expression was blank, he didn’t really care how much he bought but it was his attempt at making conversation. Yoosung had already made it blatantly clear he saw him as a friend, but he wasn’t sure how much of that friendship was reciprocated yet. His fear of rejection held him back...but the blond had visited him more than anyone else he knew which wasn't many people to begin with.

“About six I think! three for me, three for you.” There it was again, his smile and personality screamed lively. Why couldn’t he be like that? It didn’t fit him, but Yoosung only seemed to have issues with colleges and his constant annoying worrying over not having a girlfriend–which Saeran had become the poor victim of hearing it every time they were together.

“Hmph, not too bad.”

 

Cafe 14:30 was one of those places you appreciated how unexplored it was. Saeran gently pulled on his bangs, fidgeting. It wasn’t crowded, but he still felt a million pair of eyes watching him at once. It was unnerving. Yoosung was in front of him, already scouting for a seat. Saeran gripped his arms, feeling the contents in his stomach rise. Why were there so many people? He glanced around the room, searching for the messy blonde-haired boy to no avail.

He quickly turned towards the door, seeking something. A way out, fresh air, a ride home. Anything. The cogs in his mind were turning rapidly and he gulped. He needed to breathe. Closing his eyes, he began to count down from ten.

Nine. Eight. Seven. Six. Five. Four. Three.

“Saeran, what’s wrong?” The question prompted him to open his eyes, the person he had been looking for. Coughing into his hand, he averted his gaze to one of the nearby tables.

“Let’s just eat.”

Yoosung found a table for them both, chatting amiably as they ate. Saeran didn’t talk much as usual but listened instead. An empty coffee mug sat in between the two, while Yoosung talked in between sips. He didn’t have to question it anymore, the reasons behind why Yoosung hung out with him and why Saeran even bothered to answer to his pleas to hang out.

It was because in a weird way, he somehow became a friend. It was a first for him and Saeran could only feel grateful despite their differences. There was something bright in his vision for once.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wooow okay so yes i did have a hc that saeran likes to paint or at least write poetry, not everyone will agree and that's okay but i really think he would be more expressive given the time he spent in Mint Eye while under the heavy influence of drugs.


	6. Heal

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> MC has a night terror and finds an old scrapbook.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> is this an update??? after three months??? what??? i'm not going to talk much here and let people enjoy this long awaited chapter. also the bold is for flashbacks, and the italics are thoughts and i just found this new formatting so i'm going to stick to this for the rest of the chapters!  
> p.s. read the end note!

Two Days After.

**“You’re mine! Why won’t you understand that?!”**

**She understood but it wasn’t what she wanted. It wasn’t the first time he had asked her and it certainly wouldn’t be the last. Dark eyes stared back at her terrified ones. When he had he become so sullen? Gulping she put a hand on his chest, eyes pleading. Dread filled her lungs and she coughed. Panic. She had to leave but her body felt constrained by an invisible weight.**

**Five. Her eyes closed. Four. Thre-**

**“If you would just stay still...it wouldn’t hurt as bad.”**

**How could he talk with a sweet voice yet do something that was so _vile._ **

**“This is your fault..y...you asked for this! If you would’ve just listened!”**

**No. He was lying. He had to be. She...She hadn’t done anything? Had she? She couldn’t remember anymore. She just wanted to leave.**

“Your stress levels are at 600, meow.” 

MC shot up, hand reaching to steady her racing heart. It was just a dream. Exhaling, she stared at robocat. Shaking her head, a smile crept up on her features. 

‘That damn thing…’ MC was thankful. The nightmare could’ve went on for longer and she didn’t know how much more she could take. As annoying as it could be, she didn’t want her night terrors waking Saeyoung. Arms outstretched, the mop of red hair stuck out at all angles and MC found herself giggling. Her eyes lingered longer, taking in the sight of him without his glasses, the light rise and fall of his chest, the twitch of his hands as he tried to register why she wasn’t in his arms. Leaning over, she placed a quick peck to his cheek before rummaging in the bedside table to find the stuffed doll of her she gave him as a gift.

In the space where she previously laid, the doll now took its spot as MC removed herself from the bed. Her mission? The bathroom. Passing through the small hallway, her eyes slid to the wall, staring at the photographs she begged Saeyoung to hang. A beach trip with the RFA: Jumin looking like the parental figure with his obsidian hair contrasting with his violet shades, Yoosung trying to splash Zen, Jaehee sipping on a lemonade, while MC sat atop Saeyoung’s shoulders. She sighed, remembering how much fun they had. Zen had complained about Jumin tagging along but deep down, he had fun himself. They tried to convince Saeran but he didn’t want to go. 

As her mind wandered to the other twin, she changed her objective. Stepping quietly, her feet glided her in front of Saeran’s door. The light shone underneath the closed door and with her fist raised ready to knock, she paused. 

_Was he even awake? He could’ve just fell asleep with the light on? He would be pretty annoyed if she just barged in...but he was asleep. She could always just knock?_

Rapping on the door with a soft fist, she waited. After five minutes of silence, she called out to him.

“Saeran…?” With no answer, she gently turned the knob, being careful to not make any noise. The door opened, revealing another mop of red hair framing a pale face. Saeran laid, legs dangling off the side of the futon an arm supporting his face so there wouldn’t be lines marking his cheek. MC rolled her eyes walking towards him with small steps. Even though Saeyoung had bought him a bed, he still preferred the futon. Scraps of paper were strewn in random corners of the room, and a single black book sat facedown right by his foot.

Curiosity always killed someone and MC wasn’t in the mood to find out who it would be today. As much as she wanted to peek, she didn’t want to violate his trust, or ruin...whatever it was they were building. Scooping the book up, she sat it on a nearby circular nightstand. Her brown orbs scanned the rest of his room, his bookshelf seemed to be the only thing that managed to stay organized. Despite him not occupying it, his bed was a mess. Sheets were hanging off, the blankets they had given him balled into a giant knot. MC reached into the knot, pulling a maroon blanket from the pile. She gave it a quick shake to remove any dust before draping it over him. Saeran moved, long fingers gripping the edge to pull the fabric to his chin before turning away from her. 

Sighing, she made way for the door, turning around once to stare once more before she left. 

 

Gripping the bathroom doorknob, she gently pushed. The door opened with a slow creak and she tensed. A quick flick of her wrist and the lights sprung to life. It had to be three in the morning and she didn’t wish to wake either twin. Saeyoung had to work and Saeran...had to go out to do whatever it is he did when he wanted alone time. Dragging her feet until she reached the mirror, she peeked at herself. Messy brown locks that she tugged into a loose ponytail easily came undone, cascading down her back. Her brown eyes looked dull. Dark circles making residency, and slightly puffy from crying. Pushing her hair out of her face, MC turned the sink on letting the water run until the warmth greeted her. Her hands cupped, waiting for the water to fill her makeshift boat before splashing her face. Blindly, she reached for a towel, slowly patting her face dry. 

“I can’t keep letting this haunt me.” It was a whispered phrase said to no one in particular but a part of her? She wished someone had heard her -- would’ve made things a bit easier. 

Shutting off the light and closing the door, she moved to her next destination. The Living Room. The sight of more honey buddha chips made her shake her head. Only Saeyoung. She wouldn’t change it, or him ever. It was one of things she loved about him no matter how many times her hands made contact with the sticky surface. Clearing the table, she brought the items to the trash. The cat clock’s ticking in the kitchen she could only hear other than her own footsteps. 

MC sat on the couch, one leg pulled to her chest, the other kicking back and forth. Her hands ran through her hair in an effort to detangle the tresses and put it into a..decent ponytail if that’s what she could call it. A brown notebook with a small square and a red ribbon caught her attention and MC reached her hand out. Gripping the edges, she pulled it from its hiding spot on the shelf underneath the table. 

Blowing on the cover for dust, she sat it on her lap, eyes narrowed. Saeyoung...didn’t own a scrapbook as far she knew. Saeran…? She had high doubts for that one. Turning the notebook on its back, she felt the surface. It was soft to touch, despite the rings becoming a bit loose. There weren’t any rips. Then whose…? Returning it to its front, she untied the ribbon with gentle hands before opening to the first page. 

_‘To my darling MC,_

_Whenever you’re feeling down_  
There will always be some light, somewhere…  
You just have to look for it. 

_\- Mom_

How could she forget? Was it the stress? That was possible. Her sight blurred and she flipped through the pages, watching the various pictures flash by. She made an abrupt stop, coming to a photograph of her mother. 

The sheet covering the photo became wet quickly, the sound of her tears hitting the surface and MC wiped them quickly.

She had to come to terms with it one way or another.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i know i have been missing for three months but i had a lot of things going on but i've recently had a lot of motivation to get back into writing...so i decided to continue this fic. i have plenty of new ideas now and i'm even more fired up than other. updates will still be pretty slow but there will be frequent updates this time!


End file.
